it’s frustrating when you will never have an answer, or at least think you’ll never have an answer. to settle for that, just seems absurd. How can one move on from a thought if it makes zero sense to them? Won’t it forever be lingering around in your mind? Too many questions. It’s the hardest riddle ever. Why? is the question of the century.. I mean… time heals all, right? or at least puts a big cloud over it for a while. There’s no need to think about it, memories floating around need to subside. It’s overwhelming. My mind moves faster than my body sometimes, and that causes problems .. just small ones.. but it just won’t stop going. Minds a whirlpool of thoughts spinning in colors
oh man, I fell off my tumblr game like woah. It’s alright though, I’ve been doing a lot lately.. the past hrm idk lets see… 6-7 months.. have been, something who knows idk haha I just never thought all that would happen. My minds still thinking about something that never had an ending, that never got tied up, that never came to a conclusion. Oh well, you live and you learn you just need to remember to do both ~ I’ve lost a lot of people, gained a lot of people, than lost them again, never ending cycle of change ^_^ well, I’ve been creating a lot of art. and writing a lot… a lot. I had a crazy epiphany about the book I want to write - don’t bother asking what it’s about because right now, it can’t be explained. I want to write a short story too, I have the story line for that figured out. But I’m not going to tell you. Besides the end of march, beginning of may.. The past 6 months have been some of the best I’ve had in years. I won’t lie about that.. unsuspecting adventures, good music, amazing feelings, traveling, happiness, smiles. for miiiiiiiiiiilessssssssss. I loved getting that phone call that happiness was coming my way, and I miss it oh so much. My room transformed to an even more comfy awesome place during that time also. My heart was happy and my mind was level. I lost it for a bit (what else is new) but I’m back. and I feel good. I can actually say I feel good. I have faith in myself and faith in where I’m going. I’m getting my shit together this summer.. I can’t afford and choose not to go everywhere I possibly can.. I’m choosing to work my ass off, work on my art/writing and get my damn license back. Then get a car.. and move.. to Colorado. and then make my way over to Cali. who knows where I’ll end up. but that’s it.. I’m done screwing around.. I need to get good credit, and just… feel like im growing up. ya know? Things seem to be falling into place more than they ever have, and I’d like to keep it that way. I’m thankful for my family and the few friends I have that stick by my side. I’m thankful for food in my stomach and clothes on my back. I’m forever grateful to be alive right now. I can’t wait to see what the future holds for me.
I’ve been going through a lot lately, with myself.. and trying to figure out more about myself, there will always be so much mystery .. but I can learn more every day. There are so many things I was doing wrong in the past, I won’t say wrong.. because everyone makes mistakes, but things I wasn’t really thinking to much about before I did. I’ve moved on so strongly, taking better care of myself and the things around me. I’ve become to much more one with myself and my surroundings. I lost myself there for a little while, but I’m so glad I’m finally starting to find myself again. Hooping has helped with that so much, no matter how bad I feel, I can just pick up my hoop.. and smile, at least if it’s only for a minute, that still counts. It makes me feel free & comfortable. I’ve been drawing again, and taking more pictures ~ I’m coming along. I’m trying to hard, and most of the the time succeeding, to eliminate the things that were toxic to my health. Music is my life, if it wasn’t for all of the music I surround myself, I don’t know what I’d turn too. I love my friends and family, but music.. music is something else. I’m so grateful for the connection music has with my soul, and all the beautiful friendships I’ve made through experiencing different music throughout my life. I see too many people not appreciating life and what they have, it really makes me sad. I’ve been down that road before, and I’m sure I’ll be down it again, but I just have to keep my head up and keep on keepin on. I try to be there as best I can for my friends, and I think I do a pretty good job considering all the ups and downs all around. I try and be a source of encouragement and comfort. I want to inspire the people around me, and make them smile. I really hate when I bring negative energy around, I know everyone has their days ~ but I try extra hard to make those days not so frequent. Whenever I walk outside to walk to the train, a smile comes to my face.. especially this time of year. No matter if it’s cold, raining (well the rain gets to me a little… it’s not fun being soaked on the train/walking/at work haha) but whatever, as soon as that sun touches my skin, it’s like a little piece of heaven is coming down.
my thoughts are trailing off, as they tend to do very often.. all I really want to get across is that you can always overcome the obstacles life gives us, it’s just making things interesting, no matter how hard to struggle. Nothing beautiful ever comes easy ~ we all need to work for happiness, at least just a little bit. Love your friends and family, for they are the ones who hold you up when you’re falling down an endless black hole. Love the earth, for it provides us with life and beautiful nature, endless explorations. Be grateful that you get to experience the ups of life, even if you have to endure the downs. Everything will be alright, I promise. .. Smile ^_^
<3 you all <3